Fear and loathing in Gethsemane

'I, wanderer, between these sins and sights. Like a shattered vessel, never to sail these waters again. Found nothing ascending into the highest suns I have descended to the borders of divine being. World as a gateway to dark and cold desert of Mute Inanimate Nothing. Who once lost what I have lost will never rest under this tree again. I've entered the path I never ever wanted. I lost this life for ash and mud. My father left me the way I never wanted and now keeps silent in my last sacrifice.
Eloi Lama Sabachthani. Only emptiness stares at me from the abyss.'